


more

by redsh



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Found Family, M/M, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, mentions of transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23370217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsh/pseuds/redsh
Summary: anxiety and fear were building behind taekwoon’s soft eyes. he couldn’t be. he wasn’t. did he want to be? why wouldn’t he want to be?
Relationships: Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Jung Taekwoon | Leo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> luck as parents. that's it that's the plot.

taekwoon felt sick.

he hadn’t been able to keep food down the whole day. if he was on his period it would‘ve made sense, but he wasn’t. his cycle was a week late.

his mood was in a turmoil. that was also a symptom of being on his period, which was mysteriously absent. he hadn’t been able to take his antidepressants. two minutes after he swallowed anything he‘d run to the bathroom and throw it up again. he timed it.

on a whim, he decided to take a pregnancy test. he always took one a few days after he and sanghyuk had sex, just to be sure. they never came out as positive. taekwoon had always assumed his chances of becoming pregnant were one in few because of his hormone injections.

he was also suspected of being infertile for some reason? something about his eggs and family history? way to go anatomy.

“no food?”

“does five cups of applesauce count?” taekwoon responded over the phone, speaker on as he cleaned the dishes he wasted trying to eat earlier.

“no, baby, that doesn’t count. it’s getting late. that’s not good.”

“it’s all i can keep down. buy some oatmeal on your way home, i might be able to trick myself.”

taekwoon‘s brow furrowed as he looked at the little strip in his hand.

_positive._

pregnancy tests had a rep for being inaccurate, especially if they were digital and taken too early. luckily, he had nine more. it was definitely a panic buy but it helped him sleep comfortably at night. the next one was traditional.

_two blue lines._

third time’s a charm.

_+._

or is it the fourth time?

_pregnant._

_two more blue lines._

_positive._

_YES, +._

_yes, pregnant._

taekwoon almost jumped out of his skin when sanghyuk entered the bathroom, most recent test strip gripped tightly in his fist.

“oh for the love of _god almighty-“_

“i’m sorry sweetheart, i’ve been calling but you didn’t answer.”

taekwoon was frowning. something was wrong.

“taek...”

“i just wasted, what, almost a hundred dollars?”

“i need you to talk to me.”

“i’m one week late. that’s only seven days.”

sanghyuk was careful not to disturb the tests surrounding taekwoon on the floor, offering touch and rubbing a hand over his back when he crawled into his lap.

anxiety and fear were building behind taekwoon’s soft eyes. he couldn’t be. he wasn’t. did he want to be? why wouldn’t he want to be?

“baby, _please_ tell me what’s happening.”

“i think i’m pregnant...” taekwoon whispered like he was sharing a secret, like the entire world would come crumbling down if he spoke any louder, like he was afraid.

he was _terrified._

“your results came out positive ten times, i think that means yes.” sanghyuk hummed, checking each test again because taekwoon asked him to.

“i don’t know how to feel about this. how should i feel about this? something's growing inside me.”

“something is growing inside you. you’re allowed to feel however you want, this is your body we’re talking about. i don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to feel.”

“how do you feel about this?”

“i’m trying not to smile because i know you’re scared and disoriented, let’s just leave it at that.”

“you’re not mad?”

“mad at what? your body functioning naturally the way you want? our decision to stop using protection because our jobs are stable? the idea of raising a child with you? there’s nothing to be mad about, taekwoon. i’ve been with you through lots of things, i’ll be with you through this. whatever choice you make about the situation, i’ll still be here.”

taekwoon didn’t cry. he didn’t ruin sanghyuk’s suit jacket with his snot. he _didn’t._

“you’re _gay_.”

“you’re _pregnant_.”

“didn’t anyone ever tell you not to fuck with someone who’s expecting?”

“the only reason you’re expecting is that i fucked you, baby.”

taekwoon punched sanghyuk hard in the center of his chest, nuzzling into him as he groaned.

“that hurt.”

“i’ve hit you harder before, you’re okay. cook for me?”

“of course.”


	2. Chapter 2

“two weeks.” the nurse said, handing them taekwoon’s test results two days later.

“you’re absolutely sure?”

“yes, absolutely sure. i would follow up with your primary doctor as soon as possible.”

sanghyuk never let go of taekwoon’s hand.

“food is staying down so i’ve been able to take my meds most days. not much has changed yet.”

“how does that make you feel?”

“fine, i suppose.”

taekwoon played with sanghyuk’s fingers, lightly kicking his feet against the observation table. they’d been in and out of waiting rooms for days. taekwoon was three weeks along, just as uncertain as he’d been from the start.

“so...what am i supposed to do now?” taekwoon asked softly.

“as cliche as it sounds: you just go on with your life. you already have healthy habits, changes are being noted, visits are being made to my office as necessary. i’m here to help with challenges or talk about delivery, the rest is up to you and your partner.”

**********

“lia.”

“hoseok.”

“jisun.”

“seoyeon.”

“mina.”

“kihyun.”

“that’s enough, no arguing about baby names at the dinner table.” hakyeon said, setting down their last dish.

“we don’t argue, we simply have sophisticated discussions in heightened tones.” sanghyuk replied, squeezing his partner’s hand gently. taekwoon blew a raspberry at him and grinned.

“you’re six weeks now, yeah? one month?” jaehwan asked, petting his and hakyeon’s kitten gently before getting scolded and sent to the kitchen to wash his hands again.

“one month, four days. we’ll be parents in spring.” taekwoon said. it wasn’t positive or negative, happy or sad, it just was. even though a month had passed, he still didn’t know what to make of the situation most of the time. sanghyuk’s joy was contagious on good days but on bad days...fear raged like a storm.

“how are you feeling?” wonshik asked as he handed hongbin the small bowl of rice that was on his side of the table.

“tired as hell, i nap at least twice every day. feel like i’m gonna puke every morning.”

“do you?”

“ _never_ , that’s the annoying part.”

“is that normal?”

taekwoon unconsciously flinched, nails digging into sanghyuk’s palm.

“wonshik, you know better than to say something like that.” hakyeon snapped, sanghyuk telling taekwoon everything was okay in a hushed voice. he almost started drifting but thankfully he didn’t.

“he’s fine, yeonnie.” taekwoon sighed. “it wasn’t on purpose.”

“i’m sorry-“ wonshik started.

“you’re fine, it’s just an instinctive reaction. i’m calm.” taekwoon took a deep breath. “yes that’s...standard for the first month but since we’re in the middle of a meal let’s not talk about vomiting anymore, please.”

“do you want to talk about how you’ve sprinted the bathroom six times since you’ve gotten here instead?” jaehwan asked, hissing when hakyeon elbowed him in his ribs.

“i don’t think i’m too fond of the pasta anymore...it’s yellow...like pee...” wonshik grumbled.

“jesus christ you’re gross! shh! stop sharing your thoughts with the whole class!” hongbin complained.

“you always tell me to speak my mind!”

“speak to yourself we don’t need to hear your deepest darkest sickest thoughts right now! learn to read the room!” hongbin cried, making everyone laugh. the lone thread of tension winding its way around taekwoon’s heart was severed instantly.

**********

“hyukkie...” taekwoon whispered.

“taek...” sanghyuk responded, barely audible. he rubbed his eyes before sitting up, hugging taekwoon close when he crawled into his lap. a glance at the clock on their nightstand told him it was 3 am. again.

“something’s wrong.” taekwoon spoke, nuzzling into sanghyuk’s neck and inhaling his scent. rain and pinecones. distinctly earthy.

“talk to me, tell me what’s got you concerned at this lovely hour.”

“it’s gross...” taekwoon whined.

“that doesn’t make me want to hear it any less, sweetheart.”

taekwoon huffed, as a child would, and sanghyuk waited because with taekwoon patience was very important. he didn’t expect to end up in the bathroom but he and taekwoon had both been spending a lot of time in there lately.

“you bled again? is that it?”

taekwoon nodded once and looked away, pressing the little button on top of their toilet to make it flush. his cheeks and nose were red, it looked like he’d been crying.

“how long?” sanghyuk asked, resting his chin on top of taekwoon’s head.

“an hour...i cried the entire time that’s why i look like a cherry...”

“why were you crying baby?”

“because this is the second time this week and i’m scared one of these days it’s going to mean i lost it and not just that i’m spotting it’s freaking me out...” 

“i understand, do you wanna call a nurse?”

“i did already they told me it should be fine they always say that...i took another test it’s still positive but what if one day it says negative? what then?”

“i’m going to tell you something you might not want to hear.”

“no thanks.” taekwoon shook his head, gripping sanghyuk’s sweatshirt.

“you cannot burn yourself out over every little thing for the next nine months, taek, you’ll never be calm. this is already a lot for you, body and mind, but it can be more or less difficult depending on how you respond to unexpected things. worrying about loss when no signs are pointing to it...you can’t do that to yourself baby. you’ll hurt yourself by letting things out of your hands consume you.”

taekwoon let sanghyuk take him back to bed, laying against his chest as he stared at the orchid on their dresser. he knew his partner was right. worrying made sense, how could he not he’d never been pregnant before, but the level of it would make or break him.

“i have to be strong, don’t i?” taekwoon whispered.

“you’re the strongest person i know. the only thing you have to do is what’s best for you.” sanghyuk responded, gently playing in taekwoon’s hair.

“aren’t i thinking for two now? or...three?”

“that’s your choice, baby. in my eyes you still come first though, you’ve been through enough as is.”

“how many are you thinking for?”

“three.”

“then i’m thinking for three as well. can’t have you already trying to outshine me as a father..we both know i’ll be better at it anyway...” taekwoon yawned, eyelids becoming heavy. “thanks for talking me down you always know what to say...”

“mmm...not always.”

“okay fine most times you know what i meant shut up...let me sleep...”

“i love you too, sweetheart.” sanghyuk chuckled. “you don’t have to be strong, you already are. we’ll get through this together.”

“promise?” taekwoon asked. he didn’t make or accept promises anymore, not since his family abandoned him, so sanghyuk knew he was being serious.

“i promise.” sanghyuk responded, pressing a soft kiss to taekwoon’s forehead as he drifted into a deep slumber.


	3. Chapter 3

“taekwoon, we’re going to be late sweetheart,” sanghyuk called from the living room, checking to make sure everything was in order. windows locked, shades were drawn, sink empty, no unnecessary appliances running, etc. their bags were already in the car, flight scheduled to take off in five hours but traffic was terrible so they had to leave earlier than they planned. “we can’t miss our flight.”

“i’ll be ready in a minute!” taekwoon responded loud enough for sanghyuk to hear him. he was dressed and his bag was packed but he was stalling. not intentionally of course, but a lot was going on in his mind.

when they were still getting ready, taekwoon found one of his hormone injections in the closet. then sanghyuk stepped out and he sat on their bedroom floor playing with the vial for thirty minutes because he realized he hadn’t taken hormones in over a month.

the doctors all told them the same thing: taekwoon could keep taking his injections, but the risk of birth defects would increase by a large margin. the fact that he’d been taking injections for two years and gotten pregnant the moment he and sanghyuk stopped using protection was interesting, interesting because taekwoon didn’t do miracles, and he’d decided from the moment he saw the first positive test that he wouldn’t take any risks. taking hormones was a risk, if taekwoon was going to be true to his word he had to let that go. so he did.

he could already feel the changes. his hips were curving, albeit such a small amount only he could tell because it was his body and he knew what having curved hips felt like, his thighs were getting softer, any depth his voice held felt like a distant memory and his boobs were driving him crazy. they were already sensitive to the point that he could barely touch them without wincing but last week he had to buy a stupid amount of new bra’s because he’d gone up a cup size. he so was elated when he went _down_ last year he got rid of all his old bra’s, now he was back _up_ and very pissy he couldn’t find the same designs. being pregnant was too expensive, they hadn’t even gone shopping for baby clothes yet.

sanghyuk sighed, spinning the car keys on his finger as he walked down the hall. taekwoon opened the door the moment he reached for the handle, backpack hanging from his shoulder.

“what took you so long?” taekwoon asked, snatching the keys and pulling sanghyuk behind him as they left their apartment.

**********

one flight to osaka later, taekwoon was staring down the vial from his spot on the bathroom floor. their hotel room was nice, the view was breathtaking, but he wasn’t thinking about any of that.

sanghyuk stepped out for a meeting two hours ago, said he’d bring dinner on the way back. without him around taekwoon had time to think. too much time and too many thoughts and one bottle of testosterone and a needle he’d bought from the drug store up the street. talk about a good time.

there were so many more negatives compared to positives but taekwoon was considering giving himself the injection. he’d gotten by the last seven weeks because he was distracted, it had slipped his mind. that wasn’t the case anymore.

_‘you don’t have to be strong, you already are. we’ll get through this together.’_

“i wish i was half as strong as you think i am, hyukkie. if i was i wouldn’t be considering this.” taekwoon ran his fingers through his hair before tugging the curly strands. tears filled his eyes and he let them out, stressed and anxious and exhausted from all the new things in his life. he didn’t know if he could hold out for eight more months.

he grabbed his phone from the counter when it rang, planned to decline the call and mute it when he saw that it was his doctor. taekwoon glanced at the vial again before answering, wiping his face with the hem of his shirt.

“i’m back,” sanghyuk announced, dropping his bag at the door before locking it and crossing over to the kitchen. “i got things we can cook together because i know cooking calms you down plus there are dishes and stuff here already. and the shop i went to only had half the snacks on the list you gave me but we can grab the other ones tomorrow.”

taekwoon wrapped his arms tight around sanghyuk’s middle, resting his head on his shoulder as he unpacked all the groceries.

“are you hungry?” sanghyuk asked.

“i need to tell you something.” taekwoon responded.

“i’m listening, sweetheart.”

“when we go home next week i have my first ultrasound appointment. my doctor called while you were gone.”

“how does that make you feel?”

“i don’t know, it stopped me from doing something bad.”

sanghyuk stopped, turned to face taekwoon with a concerned expression. “something bad?” he held his hands out, palms up.

taekwoon pulled the vial out of his pocket, let sanghyuk stare at it before putting it and the needle in his hand. sanghyuk understood without needing to ask. taekwoon wouldn’t look at him.

“taek...”

“i know. it’s fucked up and the needle was a waste of money and the fact that one phone call and not something stupidly helpful that you’ve said stopped me isn’t right but i’ve never been able to lie or keep anything from you no matter how ugly it is. i was only thinking of myself, of how uncomfortable i’m starting to feel in my own body. i know how wrong, how selfish that is. i’m not proud of it.” taekwoon sat at the kitchen table, wrapped his arms around himself.

“baby...you deserve to feel comfortable in your body. it’s yours, it belongs to you.” sanghyuk spoke softly, kneeling in front of his partner.

“sounds like you think what i almost did was alright.” taekwoon said, biting back more tears.

“i’m not you, sweetheart. i’m in no position to judge your thoughts or emotions. i’m not transgender, i’m not pregnant, i haven’t been taking hormones for two years, i can’t begin to imagine all the things you go through on a daily basis. you share so many of them with me but i know there are some you don’t. i don’t have the right to tell you whether what you almost did was alright or not alright.”

“then who does? who decides?”

“you decide.”

”i think what i almost did was wrong.”

“why was it wrong?”

“because,” taekwoon dug his nails into his arms, trying to hold himself together. “because i decided i wouldn’t take any risks yet i almost took a huge one for my benefit. i know i’m not ready to be a parent and half the time i’m indecisive about this whole thing and i know you’re excited and our friends are excited i know you want this but i just...i’m _afraid_ of this...”

“can you look at me?”

taekwoon frowned when their eyes met and one tear slid down his cheek.

“do you want to continue being pregnant?”

no one had asked taekwoon that question. sanghyuk avoided it because he knew how direct it was, the implications it held were...not the brightest and he didn’t think taekwoon needed to be asked. all things considered, he’d changed his mind.

“what are you asking me?”

“i am asking if you want to get an abortion, taek. if you don’t want to do this you don’t have to.”

taekwoon was at a loss for words. the expression on his face kept changing, he didn’t know how to respond. his brain settled on anger.

“how can you ask me something like that?”

“it’s just a question, i know we haven’t had this conversation yet but i want you to know you have options.”

taekwoon scoffed, turning away from sanghyuk to stare at the skyline.

“options. why does the one option you suggest involve me taking a life? adoption is an alternative.”

“do you want to find a family who would be willing to adopt?”

“hell no.”

“that’s what i thought.”

“i don’t want to talk about this anymore. leave me alone.”

sanghyuk sighed. he knew taekwoon didn’t mean it, any of it, knew sudden shifts in his partner’s mood weren’t intentional, knew he was dealing with a lot. taekwoon’s expression was distant and sanghyuk knew that meant he needed space. he stood and pressed a kiss to the side of his head before returning to the counter to work on dinner.

after they ate taekwoon agreed to let sanghyuk keep the vial until they got home and let him get rid of the needle he’d bought.

“baby come to bed, it’s late.”

“no.”

“are you going to stay up all night?”

“i guess.”

“are you still mad?”

silence.

“i’m gonna lay down, if you need anything i’m just one room over.” sanghyuk spoke softly.

“okay.” taekwoon responded.

two hours later taekwoon was wiggling between sanghyuk’s arms, trying not to think for once as he listened to his heartbeat.

**********

“ohmy _god_ ,” taekwoon attempted not to gag as he pushed sanghyuk’s hand away from his face, nose turned up in disgust.

“what’s wrong?” sanghyuk pursed his lips, shifted so he had a better view of his partner.

“that smells disgusting!”

“but you love california rolls.”

“not while i’m pregnant i don’t, we need to add that to my food aversion list as soon as we get home tomorrow.” taekwoon sipped the iced tea sanghyuk had gotten him and watched as the younger ate the sushi.

their short trip to osaka had gotten considerably better the morning after their not-argument. taekwoon made breakfast since sanghyuk handled dinner alone and they talked. there were still a large number of unanswered questions but taekwoon ultimately decided that if the odds played in his favor he did want to see his pregnancy through until the end and he wanted to keep the baby. sanghyuk being the angel he was reminded him he had the right to change his mind at any point and from there, things just got better. they went to the beach, saw a few live music performances, stopped at taekwoon’s favorite dessert shop every other afternoon, watched old sitcoms at three a.m. when neither of them could sleep, and just enjoyed being alone together. sanghyuk had his work meetings now and again but for the most part, taekwoon had him all to himself. they were _happy._

“what if we moved here?” taekwoon swung their intertwined hands between them as they walked back to the hotel. “in a few years when the baby is less of a baby, we can get a cute little house and all that. teach them how to speak japanese.”

“you can hardly speak japanese yourself, sweetheart.” sanghyuk chuckled.

“i can certainly speak more japanese than you!”

“fair...what makes you think there will only be one baby?”

“three things: my chances of getting pregnant were low to begin with so i know the chance of multiples is likely nonexistent, no one in my family has ever had multiples and two headaches are more than enough.”

“i think you’re having twins.” sanghyuk announced.

“oh? you sound pretty confident in yourself, hyukkie. i hate to burst your bubble but i am not having twins.” taekwoon sang softly.

“looks like you’re having twins! congratulations!” his doctor announced the next day, sanghyuk biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from bursting out laughing at taekwoon’s dumbstruck expression.

“i’m sorry? come again?” taekwoon blinked slowly, trying to process yet another new circumstance. “i’m having what?”

the sonographer, a very polite woman with red hair named belle, shifted the ultrasound transducer on taekwoon’s tummy and tapped his shoulder, motioning to the screen behind her with a small smile.

_“pay attention,”_ she whispered.

“these,” the doctor motioned around a black space, “are called amniotic sacs or membranes, essentially they are bags of fluid in which your baby grows. there are two amniotic sacs in your uterus, one for each fetus. you’re having twins!”

taekwoon was quiet after that. he listened closely to his doctor as she went through the introduction of what he was certain to be a never-ending list of things he had to do to care for his body and its _two_ tiny inhabitants, picked up iron supplements and a bunch of leafy green vegetables and a new tub of ice cream when he and sanghyuk stopped at the store on the way home, learned how to make chicken and bok choy stir fry over the phone with hakyeon and tried to put his thoughts in some type of order.

“you were right, do not say i told you so.” taekwoon finally spoke after a good five hours of silence, feet resting in sanghyuk’s lap as they watched sailor moon.

“it was just a lucky guess, how are you feeling?” sanghyuk asked.

“ten times more nervous than before because of all the risks,” taekwoon yawned softly. “but happy to have three headaches instead of two.”

“they say three is a crowd you know,” sanghyuk added with a soft smile.

“i know, i already feel _very_ sorry for our neighbors because life will certainly be a party when our two little bundles of joy get here.”

“bundles of joy? i thought you said headaches?” sanghyuk shifted on the couch so he was hovering over taekwoon, poking at all the spots on his body he knew were ticklish as he smiled. taekwoon giggled as they shared a sweet kiss.

“ _you’re_ my headache, sanghyuk.”


	4. Chapter 4

“what if i changed my name?”

“i’d still like you.”

“what if i cut my hair short? dyed it blonde and stopped wearing these stupid glasses?” leo motioned to the wire frames nestled atop her messy bun.

“i’d still like you.” sanghyuk chuckled as he sipped his milkshake.

“what if i wanted you to refer to me as he, him, his instead of she, her, hers?”

“i would make the switch, leo, i’d still like you.”

a group of children sprinted down the aisle to her right, giggling wildly as they fiddled with the jukebox. leo squinted at sanghyuk, suspicion clouding her eyes.

“what if i started taking testosterone but didn’t want to get bottom or top surgery?”

“i’d still like you.”

“if i had to move in with you because my family is transphobic and i don’t feel safe?”

“we’d always be together, and i’d still like you.”

“if i told you i don’t know if this can work because i’m not where i want to be in my life yet?”

“whatever choice you make will be respected by me, and i’d still like you.”

“is that the only thing you can fucking say?” leo snapped, breaking eye contact. “will you continue to try and lead me on?”

“will you continue to try and scare me off?” sanghyuk whispered. he got a kick to the shin for that one, smartass.

“you’re so annoying.” leo complained under her breath. she needed sanghyuk to _understand_. they wouldn’t work. he kept saying he would still feel the same but she knew he wouldn’t. the bell hanging from the main entrance jingled as another customer entered the diner and leo decided to go all in. sanghyuk could ruin her already shit life with this information but maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. “i’ve got one more question, then you drive me home.”

“you have my undivided attention.”

“what if i was a boy?” leo asked. her hands trembled in her lap but her expression remained impassive as she stared sanghyuk down across the table.

“i’d still like you.” sanghyuk replied without hesitation. leo felt warmth rush to her cheeks.

later, in the driveway of her parents’ home, she confessed the secret she’d been hiding for half of her life, the one thing she hadn’t told anyone else in the world. “i’m transgender,” leo admitted after staring at the mailbox for ten minutes.

silence stretched between the two and leo felt an overwhelming urge to get out of sanghyuk’s car, go inside, and _never_ speak to him again.

she squeezed her eyes shut as sanghyuk leaned across the small space between them, touched her chin, eased her face in his direction.

“look at me.”

“fuck off.”

“leo, i’m serious. please.”

reluctantly, leo opened her eyes. they shimmered and she held her breath in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

“i still like you. this doesn’t scare me or make me uncomfortable, even if you change i will still want to be with you. do you understand?” sanghyuk said the words gently, patient and unwavering.

“no,” leo admitted as tears rolled down her cheeks. “no, i don’t understand.”

“then let me show you.”

**********

taekwoon reached across the island for the flour, sprinkling another handful into a large bowl. he wiped his hands with a towel and continued mixing.

“skip,” he spoke softly and shifted his weight onto his other leg.

“you say skip to every song that isn’t the rolling stones!” sanghyuk whined from his spot on the living room couch. “why can’t we listen to queen?”

“because we’re using my airpods, sanghyuk. if you don’t like my music selection you can give the one you stole back to me.”

sanghyuk skipped to the next song using his partner’s phone and taekwoon resumed his task. soon he was kneading and rolling the dough he mixed, reaching for more flour, cutting out sixteen perfect little rectangles and lying eight of them on top of the parchment paper covering a cookie sheet. 

baking had always been a part of taekwoon’s life. he picked up the hobby from his oldest sister as a child and when he moved in with sanghyuk he threw himself into it. some nights he fell asleep in the kitchen, burned out emotionally and physically from working so hard without a break. taekwoon nicked himself with a knife _one time_ and sanghyuk started hovering. he let him do whatever he wanted, always, but if he was at home while taekwoon was baking he stayed in the living room. close but not too close. taekwoon appreciated it, knew the younger just wanted to be sure he was safe.

and sanghyuk would never admit it but he loved it when taekwoon requested his help. even if he just needed a spoon or an egg, texted sanghyuk to ask that he turn the oven on before he got home from work, or had him check expiration dates even though he already double-checked them himself. sanghyuk found joy in assisting taekwoon with something that gave him a reason to keep going.

taekwoon placed a tablespoon of jam onto each rectangle, alternated between adding raspberries and strawberries in the center, and added the tiniest sprinkle of sugar. he brushed water over the edges and topped each rectangle with another piece of dough, pressing around the edges so they stuck together.

“you’re doing great,” sanghyuk placed his hands on taekwoon’s hips, peered over his shoulder as he continued working. “these are for me, right?”

taekwoon bit his lip to hide a smile, leaned back into sanghyuk’s chest.

“no, silly boy, i baked you an apple pie yesterday afternoon. these are for your parents and your sister.”

sanghyuk made a petulant sound and taekwoon giggled as he squeezed his hips.

“you forgot.”

“i didn’t forget.”

“what time are we leaving for dinner?” taekwoon asked, meeting sanghyuk’s eyes.

“rain check.”

“just admit that you forgot!” taekwoon crimped the edges of his pastries with a fork and pushed his glasses up his nose with his wrist. “we agreed on four.”

“i knew that!”

“you’re so annoying.”

taekwoon opened the drawer to his left after releasing the child lock and pulled out a sharp knife. he slowly cut horizontal vents onto the top of each pastry as sanghyuk hugged him close.

“i’ve heard that before.”

“yeah? when?”

“on our fifth date at the diner. that was the day you came out to me, remember?”

“of course i remember...” taekwoon mumbled, watching as sanghyuk covered his hands and began to guide him through the motions. “that was the scariest day of my life.”

“and look where we are now,” sanghyuk sang. “being domestic in our kitchen, slightly dreading the drive to my parents’ house, subconsciously thinking about our future children.”

“shut up you _dork_ _._ ” taekwoon placed the pastries in the fridge and sat on the counter next to the sink as sanghyuk cleaned up. “thank you.”

“i know you’re not thanking me for cleaning.” sanghyuk’s voice carried from their spare closet.

“don’t be a smartass, i’m thanking you for listening and understanding. you know. when i came out.”

they both washed their hands and taekwoon placed the pastries in the oven, grabbing the kitchen timer and setting it for twenty-five minutes.

“thank you for trusting me. i know that wasn’t easy, no matter how nice i was you still took a chance with me.” sanghyuk brushed taekwoon’s bangs away from his eyes, smiled at him. “you’re unforgivingly yourself and braver than anyone else i know.”

“mmm...” taekwoon stood on the tips of his toes and kissed his partner’s cheek. “no, i just love you a stupid amount. that’s all.” he pulled sanghyuk’s arm as they traveled down the hall to the bathroom. they could both benefit from a hot shower.

“i love you too, sweetheart.” sanghyuk chuckled as he closed the door behind them.

**********

the drive was two hours on a good day. on a rainy day, it was three, and if it snowed it could take up to five depending on traffic. a storm started an hour into their trip and sanghyuk decided he wanted to be in the driver’s seat. taekwoon wasn’t amused.

“i’m always tired.”

“we have another two hours ahead of us, i don’t want you to doze off at the wheel.”

“i doubt that will happen, just relax. let me drive my jeep. we haven’t gone for a long ride in forever.”

“sweetheart, you fell asleep in the shower earlier. if you let me drive the rest of the way you can nap before my sister talks your ear off the whole night.”

taekwoon’s lips pinched together and he gripped the leather of the steering wheel tight in his hands. sanghyuk’s sister _was_ a bit of a chatterbox.

“i want to drive right now. _if_ i get tired we can switch,” he announced.

five minutes later taekwoon was fast asleep, curled up beneath his favorite blanket. sanghyuk smiled softly as he looked at him through the rearview mirror.

upon their arrival, taekwoon was beyond the point of needing to use the restroom. he politely as possible gave sanghyuk’s sister the container of pastries he was gripping for dear life, greeted everyone, kicked his boots off, and excused himself. he gave a deep sigh once he finished washing his hands, blinking as he stared at himself in the mirror.

_here we go._

“...do you need to tell us? is something the matter?” sanghyuk’s mother seemed to grow more and more concerned the closer taekwoon got to the kitchen. he smoothed out the front of his black dress as he entered the room. it had been ages since he’d worn a dress. “oh there you are honey, i was getting worried we’d have to send sanghyuk in after you.”

“what for?” hyelin interrupted, frowning as sanghyuk moved the pastry container to a spot she couldn’t reach. “bastard...”

“language, please.” sanghyuk’s father shook his head, giving his daughter a silly look when she stuck her tongue out at him. taekwoon felt his body relax. sanghyuk wrapped his arms around his waist.

“i just needed a short moment to myself.” taekwoon admitted, voice small.

“understandable. hyelin rarely stops speaking, i think it’s something we should all take the time to mentally prepare ourselves to endure.” 

“mom!” hyelin called, color filling her cheeks. she and sanghyuk truly were one in the same. “what the-“

“hush, taekwoon and your baby brother have something they need to tell us. don’t spoil their moment.” sanghyuk’s mother cooed.

taekwoon glanced at sanghyuk and accepted the envelope he offered, pushing it across the counter towards his parents.

“these...these are...” sanghyuk’s mother was at a loss for words.

“ohmygod! it’s happening!” hyelin cheered.

“according to the date these were taken yesterday, correct?” sanghyuk’s father asked.

“correct.” taekwoon nodded in agreement. “i’m...i’m a little over two months pregnant. with twins, as you can see.”

“congratulations.” sanghyuk’s mother set her glasses on the counter and taekwoon allowed one hug. she knew his anxiety was a bitch so she never held too tight or too long, but for once he didn’t let go right away. “i’m so happy for you both.”

“thank you.”

“congrats! i know you’ll be an amazing super cool dad, not so sure about hyogi.” hyelin gave her younger brother a pointed look. “i’m afraid he’s a bit of a blockhead.”

”careful hye, those are fighting words.” sanghyuk hummed.

“maybe we should-“ hyelin started.

“maybe you shouldn’t!” sanghyuk’s father gave taekwoon a high five because those were just his thing. “congratulations. you have our support, as always, and if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask. cool?”

“cool.” taekwoon smiled.

dinner went smoothly. taekwoon included himself in the conversation when he felt comfortable and sanghyuk held his hand the entire time. they both felt like they’d gotten a weight off their chests with the announcement. no one besides hakyeon, jaehwan, hongbin, and wonshik knew what was happening. taekwoon especially appreciated optimistic responses.

hyelin gave taekwoon space for a while. he dozed off during whatever movie sanghyuk’s parents put on after dinner, had what he thought of as far too many trips to the restroom, and was almost done helping sanghyuk’s mother with the dishes when she finally approached.

“may i bother you now?” she asked, holding something behind her back.

taekwoon looked at sanghyuk’s mother and dried his hands when she said he could go, grabbing the last two pastries from the counter as he followed hyelin to their spot.

“i’m sure you adore hearing this: how are you feeling?” hyelin spoke around a mouth full of crust and berries, eyes trained on the cars driving by on the road beyond the fence. taekwoon waited until he was done with his snack to answer.

“perturbed and over the moon.”

“an adjective and an idiom...now you sound like an english major.”

“my second major was english, hye.”

“oh yeah.”

they both laughed and taekwoon nudged hyelin’s knee with his foot.

“what’s that you’re hiding from me?” he asked.

“totally not an early birthday gift.” she responded, tapping her fingers against the deck. “if i knew you were expecting i would’ve gotten you and the babies something but i understand how big of an announcement that is. i can certainly spoil them rotten some other time.”

when they first met hyelin found taekwoon hiding outside from her parents. total accident. they both scared the shit out of each other. he didn’t tell her to go away so they just sat and eventually introduced themselves. ever since then, the deck was their spot. at that moment, the pavilion was protecting them from the pouring rain.

hyelin set the gift between them. she knew taekwoon wouldn’t open it until later and that was fine. he had his reasons.

“how did you do this? i have no clue what i’m fucking doing.”

“that’s how pregnancy goes, parenting isn’t much different.” hyelin fiddled with the frayed portion of her jeans. “you educate yourself, take advice, and figure it out as you go. i just winged it like everyone else. you’re almost halfway through the worst of the physical symptoms.”

“it gets worse?”

“it gets worse, but after that, it gets better. you have to take it one day at a time.”

taekwoon turned to the night sky. he knew it wouldn’t be easy, nothing in his life had ever been easy, but living the experience was something else entirely. he hadn’t told sanghyuk yet but he was showing. just a bit. he wanted to tell him. he wanted to hide it. everything had two sides.

“names.”

“hm?”

“how did you pick a name?”

“sanghyuk named my firstborn, my second is my favorite flower. you’ll know when you find the perfect names.”

taekwoon hugged hyelin tight for a few moments before quickly wiping his face.

“thank you for being such a great big sister for sanghyuk and i.” he whispered, grabbing his gift and quickly going inside. hyelin watched him and turned back towards the yard when the patio door clicked shut, smiling softly.

“you’re welcome.”

**********

“we have to stay the night.” sanghyuk said calmly.

“why?” taekwoon asked, bite evident in his tone. he wanted to go home and shower and have a cup of coffee and fall asleep the first place he sat down. he was exhausted. “i want to leave.”

“the roads are closed because of the rain, sweetheart. i‘d love to take you home but we can’t leave until morning.”

sanghyuk didn’t take it personally when taekwoon said he wanted space after they showered. he brought him coffee and kissed him goodnight, walking across the hall to the other guest room his mother prepared. they texted on and off for a while. taekwoon was about to try and get some rest when he heard soft knocks at his door.

“hey.”

“hi.”

taekwoon played with the handle as he and sanghyuk stared at each other as if they’d just met for the first time. sanghyuk cleared his throat and taekwoon leaned against the door frame.

“can i come in?”

“you can.”

“let me rephrase that: will you let me come in?”

“i don’t think so.”

sanghyuk poked his bottom lip out and taekwoon opened the door a few more inches.

“i just want to check on you.”

“you can check on me from outside my room, hyukkie.”

“it’s hard for me to do anything with the door separating us, baby.”

“are you sweet-talking me?”

“is it working?”

“i’m too tired to go back and forth with you.” taekwoon whined adorably.

“maybe you should just let me in,” sanghyuk cooed. “that would be the easiest thing for both of us.”

sanghyuk gently pushed the door open a bit with his knee and leaned closer. taekwoon held his breath as their noses brushed together, releasing a soft sigh as they kissed and he felt sanghyuk’s hand cradle the back of his head. he fisted the front of his partner’s hoodie and pulled him inside, kicking the door shut and locking it.

“you look cute in my shirt.”

“i look cute in everything.”

taekwoon giggled when sanghyuk pinched his cheek, slapping his hand away before rolling onto his tummy. he closed his eyes. the bed dipped under sanghyuk’s weight and taekwoon hummed as his partner pushed the oversized shirt he was wearing up to expose his skin. he then realized what he was doing and promptly yanked the shirt back down.

“sweetheart...”

“no, we both know how i feel about them.” taekwoon frowned. “they’re gross.”

“your venus dimples are not gross, they’re beautiful.” sanghyuk traced the delicate lines of taekwoon’s lower back through the soft fabric, making him shiver. “i won’t stop telling you even when you believe it. your body is unique, sexy, it’s not something you have to be ashamed or afraid of.”

taekwoon shook his head against a pillow.

“do i need to remind you again?” sanghyuk whispered into taekwoon’s ear, grip tight on his lithe waist. “will you let me? hm?”

“sanghyuk...” taekwoon’s voice was small, quieter than the rain falling against the windows. “don’t tease me...”

“i’m not teasing you baby, i just can’t worship your body without your permission. you have to tell me it’s okay.”

sanghyuk waited, patient as ever. when he was ready, taekwoon released his grip on the shirt and gave sanghyuk approval to touch him. he closed his eyes when he felt warm fingers tracing the curves of his back and lips brushing over his skin.

sanghyuk took his time to kiss and touch the beauty marks, taekwoon’s face burning hot the entire time. the moment was nostalgic. sanghyuk had done those things so many times since they met, sometimes mindlessly pushing his hand under taekwoon’s sweater just to follow the lines with the tips of his fingers. they were one of many parts of taekwoon he couldn’t find complete peace with and sometimes they made him feel like less of a _person_ and more of a _thing_. 

but when sanghyuk touched and traced and kissed them and told taekwoon how beautiful and cool he thought they were the noise in his head immediately stopped. there was no insecurity, there weren’t memories of comments about them in the girl’s locker room during high school or anything else. in those moments, taekwoon loved the fact that he’d been born with venus dimples and that sanghyuk always fawned over them like a child with their favorite toy. in those moments, taekwoon loved that part of his body just the way it was.

“touch me, _please_ touch me.” taekwoon whined into sanghyuk’s mouth after turning so he was on his back again. he gasped from the feeling of thick fingers brushing over his clit through his underwear and arched into the pressure.

“you have to be quiet or they’ll hear us, baby.”

“i guess they’ll just have to hear us,” taekwoon shifted beneath his partner and let his legs fall open, moaning a bit too loudly when sanghyuk sucked the skin of his neck between his teeth and bit down. those fingers dipped lower, between his lips and across his entrance where he was the wettest before traveling back to that little bundle of nerves and rubbing in small controlled circles. taekwoon’s body shivered and he gripped sanghyuk’s hair in his hands. “we can apologize later.”

“ _you_ can apologize later.”

“as if you’re quiet when we have sex.” taekwoon scoffed.

sanghyuk chuckled and grazed over the mark he made with his teeth before pulling away. he kissed taekwoon again, slipping two fingers inside of him as their tongues brushed against each other.

time blended together. clothes came off, taekwoon took the scrunchie out of his hair, sanghyuk made a corny joke which made taekwoon laugh and then he pushed inside of him slowly which made him gasp and cross his ankles at his back to tug his body closer. taekwoon felt warm and full and he couldn’t stop releasing breathless sounds of pleasure as sanghyuk took him higher and higher.

outside the rain came down harder on the roof and they both let go, easily getting lost in the moment. taekwoon grabbed sanghyuk’s cheeks and kissed him so hard it hurt when he came once, and then twice. sanghyuk let out a long whine into his partner’s neck when he whispered those words in his ear that always pushed him over the edge and sighed once he finally released inside of him, falling onto his back and twisting in the bedsheet.

“do you remember when we met?” sanghyuk asked after a long moment of comfortable silence had passed.

“august...” taekwoon responded, smiling as he fought the urge to drift to sleep. sanghyuk could hear the glow in his voice. “jaehwan threw a party because his parents went on a trip...you found me after i had way too much to drink...”

“i was drunk too.”

“drunk enough to ask me how i like my eggs in the morning like a dork, yes...” taekwoon giggled, rubbing his eyes. “what did i say back? i can’t remember.”

“fertilized.”

taekwoon turned his head to look at sanghyuk, mouth hanging open.

“please tell me i didn’t say that.”

“that would be lying, sweetheart.”

“this is why i don’t drink anymore ohmy _god_ that’s so fucking embarrassing...” taekwoon whined, hiding his face in his hands as sanghyuk laughed at him. “shut up!”

“you asked me what you said!”

“that doesn’t mean you had to tell me!”

“that’s exactly what it means taek.”

“whatever.”

taekwoon took a deep breath through his nose after almost falling asleep. he found sanghyuk’s hand and gently guided it to his tummy, yawning into the cool air of the room.

“you’re showing?” sanghyuk asked.

“mhm...just a little...” taekwoon responded, watching sanghyuk move so he was above him. he played in his hair as sanghyuk leaned down and pressed two soft kisses to his skin, humming as he brushed his thumbs over the small bump. “didn’t want to tell you at first...got nervous...”

“that’s alright, they said your due date was january right?”

“the 20th...maybe earlier...maybe later...it depends on when they decide they’re ready to see the world i guess...”

“hm.”

“what is it?”

“you’re going to be the one to give them everything they want, i can tell.”

“i spoil your nephews, of course i’ll give our children whatever they ask for...”

sanghyuk laid down again and taekwoon let him wrap his arms around his body, nuzzling into the warmth of his chest.

“softie,” sanghyuk pressed a kiss to the crown of taekwoon’s head. “close your eyes so you can rest, i’ll be here when you wake up.”

taekwoon drifted off to the soft sounds of rain and sanghyuk humming some tune or another. the next morning he was playing with the keurig on the kitchen counter when hyelin found him.

“have fun last night?” she asked, laughing when taekwoon ran to sanghyuk and hid his burning face in his neck.

“i wanna go home!” taekwoon cried.

“we will go home soon. hyelin, please refrain from speaking to my boyfriend before he has his coffee. it’s very difficult for him to engage in social interaction without at least two cups.” sanghyuk chuckled, picking taekwoon up as he walked into the kitchen.

“isn’t he a little too old for you to be carrying him around like that?”

“well you’re older than him so what does that tell us?”

“i-“

“hag.”

hyelin kicked her brother and ran out of the kitchen before he got any ideas.

_“i guess they’ll just have to hear us, we can apologize later."_ sanghyuk mocked, hissing when taekwoon smacked the back of his neck as he drank his second cup of coffee with a small smile.


End file.
